It’s been 77 earth days. I am so tired. I streamed today and did some portfolio reviews which was nice but also exhausting.

But something I realized was that I have this inaccessible rage in me. I can sense it, it bubbles up to awareness sometimes but I can’t seem to express it. I know I’m angry, but it can’t seem to come out. I’m angry for so many reasons, not the least of which is the loss of employment in this heinous job market.

But I can’t seem to access it other than intellectualizing it. So maybe it’s nothing.

I saw some job postings appear today, and I was really interested in just – well, being gainfully employed, but I wanted to see if I could get an interview. But they were individual contributor roles and honestly, I haven’t done an IC role in like 6 years.

The difference being I’m so used to managing people and doing meetings I’m not sure I have the stamina to do actual artwork anymore. But at this point, I’ll take anything.